Pseudo Newb and the Estrogen Laden Trash Talk

Pseudo Newb and the Estrogen Laden Trash Talk

I have a circle of Magic Playing Women. We play in a club, the club is mixed gender. I am more relaxed with this group, they are younger than me, but I've stopped being so careful with them. 

This is an actual conversation/game that happened.

Warning - serious female humor happening here - read at your own risk - no alcohol was involved, 

Her: (playing a Niv Mizzet Deck)

Me: (playing a Modern Illusions Deck)

Board state at time of conversation.

I have a Lord of Illusions out, 2 Phantasmal Bears and she has just used an instant to get rid of the Phantasmal Dragon that resolved.  She brings out a Frostburn Weird, I Mind Control it. It’s the first creature she’s gotten out in 4 turns (not because of control). There has been at least one board sweep already.

Her: (laughing) You douche!

Me: I am not a douche, I am absolutely necessary and unlike a douche when I clean things out they actually require cleaning and I get the job done.

Her: Fine take this burn spell then.

Me: (Mana Leaking it) I’m not a douche, I’m Monostat baby, I’m gonna get up in there and make sure NOTHING’S gonna burn or rise!

Horrified faces of young male players around us; we laugh uproariously.

Her: When Uteruses compete!

Me: See when women trash talk each other we don’t have to measure any damn thing, it’s all about capacity and effectiveness – swing for 8.

Her: Fine, I take it. I can handle it. You ready? You passing?

Me: Show me what you’ve got. Pass turn.

Her: I’m decking out in Gold bringing in the bling – Niv Mizzit! Pass turn.

Me: That’s a mighty pretty Dragon you’ve got there, be a shame if anything happened to it. It’ll probably be safer over here with me. Mind Control.

Her: You douche!

Me; Monostat baby, One day variety! Nothing will rise; Pump the Frostburn 3 and swing for 12. No over the counter stuff. I’m prescription strength!

Helpless gales of laughter as we clear the board.